i doubt if godot is going to show up, but i'm here if he does.

"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him..."--psalms 37:7

i feel like i've gotten a fair bit of experience with waiting for things.  i've mentioned before, ad nauseum perhaps, that i waited a long time for musicboy, both literally and figuratively. for those of you new to my life, in my world people get married early, so i was practically a day-old bread product by the time i got married at the ripe old age of 31.

(yes, i do recognize that that is neither old nor unusual in the real world, but i'm talking LDS dating world, and that's on the far end of the bell curve.)

i also waited while musicboy served his mission, which was two years well-spent. i'm pretty sure it was while we were away that we realized, individually and without discussion with each other, that we were rather unwilling to have a life where the other one was not featured prominently.

ANYWAY.

i feel like i've learned a little something about waiting on the Lord.

funny how i don't feel like He thinks i've learned enough.  here i am, speaking quite vaguely and without any real specifics because that's how it needs to be, waiting again.  unlike last time, when i was waiting for the right guy, this time it's something specific and something important but something that i just have to wait for.

there's no way to rush it, there's no way to control it, really.

it's just waiting. again.

but since marrying musicboy, i don't think i've really rested in the Lord. i don't think i have been enough.  before, there came a point in time when i decided that it wasn't up to me, i had no control, so i was going to do all that i could to make my life what i wanted and leave the rest in the capable and loving hands of Someone who knew much more than me.

that's when the peace and the life that i wanted really began.  and, not surprisingly, that's right around the time that i met musicboy.

but i think, despite my smug assurances to myself at times that i really did learn a lot of lessons about waiting, i still have lessons to learn about patience and about waiting well. just like endurance, i think patience and waiting can be done well.  i think, this time, i'm striving to wait well. 

i think this is the first time in a long time that i've made that conscious decision--to wait. to wait happily. to be content in waiting.  to wait until moved upon to no longer wait anymore.

i have my moments of fear and questioning--secondguessing myself, embracing the jittery feeling that we all get as we wait in that Waiting Place--but for the most part, i am just waiting. 

(and right now i think waiting is the easiest thing to do.  sometimes, waiting is recuperative. i think waiting, right now, is also important for the way it is nourishing me.  sometimes our wait is less about patience and more about preparation.)

and choosing to wait well, i think, is a lesson the Lord feels i need to continue to learn.  i see, with each opportunity to be patient and to subjugate my desires for RIGHTNOW to the more eternal perspective, the good parts of me growing. i am more understanding of those around me, i am more empathetic, i see more clearly the areas in my life that i need to work on, and i am able to access the peace of the Spirit more. 

in the patience comes the learning, and i am grateful for that. i feel like i have a lot to learn.

and so i'm waiting.