"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him..."--psalms 37:7
i feel like i've gotten a fair bit of experience with waiting for things. i've mentioned before, ad nauseum perhaps, that i waited a long time for musicboy, both literally and figuratively. for those of you new to my life, in my world people get married early, so i was practically a day-old bread product by the time i got married at the ripe old age of 31.
(yes, i do recognize that that is neither old nor unusual in the real world, but i'm talking LDS dating world, and that's on the far end of the bell curve.)
i also waited while musicboy served his mission, which was two years well-spent. i'm pretty sure it was while we were away that we realized, individually and without discussion with each other, that we were rather unwilling to have a life where the other one was not featured prominently.
i feel like i've learned a little something about waiting on the Lord.
funny how i don't feel like He thinks i've learned enough. here i am, speaking quite vaguely and without any real specifics because that's how it needs to be, waiting again. unlike last time, when i was waiting for the right guy, this time it's something specific and something important but something that i just have to wait for.
there's no way to rush it, there's no way to control it, really.
it's just waiting. again.
but since marrying musicboy, i don't think i've really rested in the Lord. i don't think i have been enough. before, there came a point in time when i decided that it wasn't up to me, i had no control, so i was going to do all that i could to make my life what i wanted and leave the rest in the capable and loving hands of Someone who knew much more than me.
that's when the peace and the life that i wanted really began. and, not surprisingly, that's right around the time that i met musicboy.
but i think, despite my smug assurances to myself at times that i really did learn a lot of lessons about waiting, i still have lessons to learn about patience and about waiting well. just like endurance, i think patience and waiting can be done well. i think, this time, i'm striving to wait well.
i think this is the first time in a long time that i've made that conscious decision--to wait. to wait happily. to be content in waiting. to wait until moved upon to no longer wait anymore.
i have my moments of fear and questioning--secondguessing myself, embracing the jittery feeling that we all get as we wait in that Waiting Place--but for the most part, i am just waiting.
(and right now i think waiting is the easiest thing to do. sometimes, waiting is recuperative. i think waiting, right now, is also important for the way it is nourishing me. sometimes our wait is less about patience and more about preparation.)
and choosing to wait well, i think, is a lesson the Lord feels i need to continue to learn. i see, with each opportunity to be patient and to subjugate my desires for RIGHTNOW to the more eternal perspective, the good parts of me growing. i am more understanding of those around me, i am more empathetic, i see more clearly the areas in my life that i need to work on, and i am able to access the peace of the Spirit more.
in the patience comes the learning, and i am grateful for that. i feel like i have a lot to learn.
and so i'm waiting.