where ya been, teachergirl?

i feel like it's been YEARS since i posted.  i don't think it actually has, but it feels that way. oh the guilt. it was pressing on me.

so here i am.  and i have a confession.

i am a bit of a gym snob. 

i don't say that because i think i'm so much better than everyone else, but actually the opposite--if i can do it, why can't you?

i recognize that this is in fact specious reasoning, but let me tell you how it manifests itself. 

my gym has a summer policy of allowing high school students to have free memberships.  i knew that this time was coming, and i knew that it would likely annoy me to have high school girls kickin' it up with me in combat.  i knew that it would mean more competition for treadmills and a way lower median age of people frequenting the gym. 

but i didn't know it would turn me into a snotnosed jerk.

but in combat yesterday, one of the rare occasions i had when i could actually attend the monday class, i found myself alternately annoyed and quite pleased at the behavior of the four high school girls who came. it was obviously the first time for two of them, and they were sort of lost with the choreography.

that's okay. i've been there. heck, sometimes i'm still there.

but they just...gave up. if something got complicated or if they missed a move, they gave up. they didn't get back in it. they sort of limparmed the punches and halfheartedly kicked, especially one girl who reminded me (not because of her behavior) of my old roommate saf.  she just...gave up.

and i found myself annoyed.

in my head, i kept saying, really yelling, in my head: "what are you doing? do you not understand that YOUR BODY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AS IT IS NOW? do you not understand what a precious gift you have right now, with the metabolism that lets you eat pizza and fries and burn it while sitting on the couch watching the hills? YOU ARE SO LUCKY! take advantage of it!"

but then, when people around me seemed to struggle and i was rockin' it out, i felt quite pleased with myself.  i am a beast. i am better than you. watch me and be humbled.

like me.  you know, humble like me.

ahem.

anyway, that's where my head is at. i watch the people in my classes and i either compete with them in my head, which often happens, and fall short or i find myself lording my own experience over other people in the class who seem to be halfhearted in their efforts. 

(of course the choreography is easier for me...i've been going for FIVE MONTHS straight. i don't miss class unless there's a reason.  i'm either dying or out of the area code. so it stands to reason that, say, a jab/cross/hook combination is easier for me because i actually know what that means and what it's supposed to look and feel like.)

but that's stupid and i don't really like it, but i'm learning that the gym makes very clear all of the things you don't like about yourself, not only physically but mentally as well.

i don't love that i'm a gym snob, but i do love that i know what i'm doing and no longer feel like a novice.  that i do love. 

i'll put up with the crowded classes and the high school interlopers for a while longer, and hopefully will exercise my charity along with my quads.  it's clear that one needs more work than the other.