this is why i should read more.

dear "16 and pregnant" girl who had twins with the guy who she'd been dating for one month:

maybe it's the hormones coursing through me, but forgive me if i don't weep and wail with you at the injustice of the fact that you don't have the most solid relationship with the father of your children.  forgive me if i think you're being a bit of a heinous witch by not letting him take them home with him overnight (unless you're breastfeeding, at which point it would logistically not make much sense for him to try to do that), especially since you're all fired up about how you need to "live it up" during your senior year. 

ahem.

excuse me if i roll my eyes and totally yell at you from across the room when you get MAD at him for, after you dumped him in a dramatic ride home when you called in INSANE, taking two other girls to mcdonald's on valentine's day. i just...i have no sympathy for you.

am i supposed to?

--

dear crazy NYC rich parents who got into a school that wasn't your first choice and then complained about that school's lobby:

seriously? SERIOUSLY? could you perhaps take your snobby, insane heads out of your perfectly toned butts and realize that you are in, perhaps, the 0.01% of the population, who can (and will) pay upwards of $20,000 for a preschool? can you realize that your kids are getting, and have gotten, from the very beginning, the best of everything--and that many kids, because their families just don't have the resources? could you not turn your nose up at the school that took you, just because you didn't get into the school that kate winslet can't get her kids into, even though you DID deign to donate something to their stupid silent auction?

i mean, seriously. and then you left the city, after all of that, taking some other kid's chance at getting into the school they actually wanted to get into with you.

i loathe you. i get that that might have been the point of the documentary, but i really loathe you. and your stupid strapless baby bump dress.

--

dear twitterverse:

do you really think that celebrities read your tweets? i don't mean to be unkind, but who are YOU that conan o'brien is going to give a rat's behind that you caught his show and thought it was funny? you and thirty million of his other closest fans.

come on.  it's the height of arrogance, isn't it?

or is all social media that in general? (says the gal who can't keep herself from new status updates regularly on facebook)

--

sometimes i should really just grab a book, you know?