i do NOT understand.

if someone could explain to me why it is that people are both infuriatingly dense and impossibly illiterate while taking an online class, that would be fantastic. for example, why do students:

• despite having received a confirmation email that said that their paper was received/formatted incorrectly/not received not follow directions for submission despite being DIRECTED TO DO SO BY SAID EMAIL?
• never, ever read said submission instructions, despite them being laid out in painful detail and BEING REMINDED OF SAID INSTRUCTIONS in multiple emails/announcements?
• think that i am going to proofread their papers when those papers are LATE?
• find it remarkable that the assignment dropbox that they were supposed to submit their work to on the due date is now closed, and yet behave as if somehow it is my fault that they are having such trouble submitting their work LATE BUT ACCEPTED BECAUSE I AM A NICE PERSON?
• have no capacity to take a simple technical document (i.e. a transition guide from one edition to the newer) and read it, using critical thinking skills and a little bit of creativity, to find out where the information is in THEIR book that i am referencing from my newer edition? why don't they get that i could have been a real pain and said that they had to buy the brand new edition, but instead provided this transition guide with the hopes that they could make do with the less-expensive, more readily available, used version?
• read the directions? seriously. it says you have to answer one of the four questions. so if one of the questions is from something you haven't read yet (yes, my mistake, but i don't care), doesn't it stand to reason that IT DOESN'T MATTER because you have THREE OTHER QUESTIONS to choose from? 
• stop and take a minute and think "am i being monumentally stupid right now?" before hitting send.

it sounds callous, but it's the 3rd/4th week of class. i don't really care what your personal situation is.  that's not entirely true, but if you are emailing me multiple times in a week to tell me a sad story about how your baby is teething and you only had 1.5 hours to do something and you have an algebra exam tomorrow and you're exhausted so can you please have an extension, i'm going to give it to you simply because the likelihood of me grading that thing before you post it is slim to none.  however, i'm also going to think you're a special case, and in week 4, you don't want that reputation.  i'm also going to be annoyed that you asked me to proofread your paper. stop being needy.

that's reality, folks. 

if you, however, email me and tell me some serious stuff (your kid was in the hospital? your whole family has been uprooted and is now living somewhere else?) and ask for a favor, i am going to give it to you and not think a thing about it.

it's how i roll.

but seriously, if you can't figure out the basics of READING A SYLLABUS that i work pretty hard to make clear, i have no hope for you.  and on days like this one, i want to just pull out my hair because OHMYGOSH.