home alone.

once upon a time, i didn't have a job, after we moved far across the country, and though i made somewhat hearted attempts to get one (and had one at a card store for three days before deciding that retail wasn't for me at that time), i really didn't do much except hang around the house.  eventually, my frustrated mother decided that if i was going to stay home then i would be in charge of housework and cooking, which i think ended up being okay, if i remember correctly.

since then, though, i think i have gone the opposite direction, having multiple things to do at any one given time (usually related to school + work) so that my time at home was almost always consumed by homework or projects or just trying to catch up on things.  there wasn't a lot of leisure, if it was during the semester, and the breaks seemed consumed by forced leisure, that sort of stuffing-into-two-weeks all of the tv, movies, frolic, and sleep that you missed out on.

oh, and i usually got sick on breaks, so that was always fun.

cue this semester.

i'm at home. i have classes going on, but my schedule is entirely online, so my daily schedule is entirely mine.  these first few days of getting musicboy all figured out and sent off have been a bit more hectic, and it's also holiday recovery period, so i haven't been as productive as i'd like to be (my christmas tree is staring at me, pathetically, begging to be put out of its misery--that's tonight or tomorrow's task), but i'm finding the change...lovely.

this sort of worries me. 

i don't want to begrudge going back to "normal" life, where i am teaching on a physical campus rather than just from my home, after Baby Girl comes. of course, two days does not four months make, and i may be stark raving out of my mind by the time this whole experiment in gestationally determined online scheduling ends, but i have found myself getting up early, making lunches, eating breakfast, going to the gym, catching up on the sleep i've been missing regularly at night because of various aches, pains, and hip annoyances, keeping up with the dishes, planning meals, doing things for my husband, running errands, and a whole host of things that are just nice to be able to do without feeling like i am running the gauntlet.

i haven't quite got it sussed completely, but i REALLY REALLY LIKE IT.  i think i would really like to be a stay-at-home working mom. i think i could do it (see: i taught eight classes, thus i can do anything) and i think it would marry two worlds that i want to stay a part of very nicely.

but, just like most things i hope for and wish, i recognize that what ends up being will likely be entirely different than what i envision, but will nonetheless be right for us.  that's okay.  i think i'm just sort of surprised--i feel GOOD about this whole deal and excited about all the potential.

of course, my house should really be neater if i'm going to do this at home thing. 

i'll get there.  someday, i'll get there.  in the meantime, i ought to do some more work on the jobs that pay me something. 

a question for you who even still read here: i've hesitated talking about pregnancy related things because i don't really want to become that girl who turns into the fetus-talker all the time, but do you want me to update you? what do you want to know?

also, a feather in my cap: 2.5 miles on the treadmill today, longest i've gone since i've gotten pregnant. i am proud of myself.  quite proud, in fact.