Tuesday, May 11, 2010


i miss my husband.

that was not unexpected.

what is unexpected is the way that it manifests itself.  i thought it would be something like a poet would describe--a deep ache or feeling like the other half of you is missing in some physical way.  i do feel like part of me is missing, but it is manifesting itself as...


do whaaaa?

apparently i am not alone, as musicboy said that last night he inexplicably got really cranky.  i had an explanation, navel gazer that i am, for it, as i had already figured it out about myself this weekend.

being away from your partner, at least for me, is an emotional stress. it's subconscious, it's underlying, but it's nevertheless there. for me, it means that things don't happen the way they normally do--my routine is off, i'm doing other things, and i'm not doing the things that destress me (which is mainly just being around musicboy...he is deeply soothing). at the same time, i am doing things that are fun and are relaxing.

but all of this underlying emotional static makes me more frayed than normal. it's like something is always off, so it's difficult for me to navigate anything else.  i am, at times, more prone to bouts of crankiness and impatience.  it's strange and it's odd, but it's what i do.

i'm glad to know it, as it helps me to be aware of what's going on. but it's still unexpected.

other things that were unexpected:  my insanely emotional connection to the mock witch trial we attended at colonial williamsburg.  i need to write more about that at some later date.

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