Thursday, April 22, 2010

i just ate a third of a bag of baby goldfish.  the crackers, not real fish, in case you were wondering.

i am tired.  i don't think i slept well. i know i wanted to continue sleeping when i woke up. but musicboy was up and had been up for hours, patiently waiting for me to stir enough for him to start talking to me.  actually, he rubbed my back first, which was lovely.  when i found out how long he'd been awake, i said, half-asleep, "why? you going to disneyland or something?"  i thought that was funny.

i have this nagging feeling that i have been a bad teacher this semester. i think i always have that nagging feeling.  it's annoying.

i don't want to go to the gym today because i'll have to run.  (don't tell me there are other things to do. if i'm going to go, i'm going to go to burn as many calories as humanly possible and to seriously challenge myself. if i'm going to do that, it's going to involve running. or a class. but there aren't any classes that i want to take at the time that i want to take them.) and if i try to run, i don't want to fail. but the last few times i've tried to run, i have not done well. thus, my hesitancy to go.

i want to have a baby and i am terrified of having one and of not being able to have one.  what if i suck at it?

i'm going to read my book now. i have 10000 papers to grade. but i'm going to read my book and possibly sleep for a little while. 

the end.


  1. Babies are good. Going to the gym and having a baby is a little tricky. Nevertheless, good luck with running and baby stuff today.

  2. I hate goldfish. The tang of cheese (I'm assuming you're eating the cheese flavored ones or ones that have cheese as a basis because the pretzel and plain ones are so not worth it) and the saltiness let you forget that they actually don't taste that good. So then you eat and eat and then they are all gone and not particularly more satisfied and it's just a waste of life.

    I can't tell if you mean you worry about physically not being able to have a child (which to be completely honest is something that I'm irrationally terrified of) or mothering it. Physiologically I can't speak for you, but motheringly, you won't suck. The amazing thing I've learned from my own mom is that imperfect people can make perfect moms. And the fact that our imperfect mothers can raise children who, while not perfect, are wonderful and desire to themselves raise children to the best of their ability, is in fact beautiful.