Thursday, April 29, 2010

did you know that there's a book called abraham lincoln, vampire hunter? i so need to read that book.

it's a bit difficult for me to understand how grading for long periods of times makes me so tired. it seems like a really first world problem: "oh woe is me, i'm so tired what with all of the intellectual work i have to do, sitting in a (relatively) comfortable chair and working on my (expensive, but well-loved and now in its midlife) laptop. i am so oppressed!"

basically, whenever i whine about it (which i do, frequently, but mainly when things get in my way of accomplishing what i know is a monumental pile of work...and those things are mainly STUDENTS), i feel a little bit ungrateful.

but it's my work, and i'd complain if i was hoeing potatoes in a field somewhere or stitching some rich woman's gown, so there you go.

but really, i do recognize that it's a self-indulgent sort of complaint system.

that brain hurts.  last night, i was so proud of myself. i kept my email open all day, waiting for papers to come in and just kept grading until they were done.  that freed up today, i thought, to get other things done.

but when today came, it was substantially more difficult to get started.  i still got things done, but i'm slowing down.

i can't slow down, because when i think about slowing down, i think about how my defense is in SIX DAYS and at some point, i am going to have to stop being teachergirl and start being scholargirl, but i don't have the luxury of a lot of time to do that, because grades are due by the day after my defense, when i will be on a plane home to my mom.

so, yeah, stuff needs to get done. but considering how i get a kind of fluttery heart palpitation/nauseous combination thing happening when i think about the reality of my defense, which is happening and hasn't been delayed because of idiocy on my part or the terrible content of my draft, this whole crazy-with-grading thing might actually be a huge blessing.

and that's probably the first and last time that i consider a pile of something like 63 papers to grade in a two day period a blessing.

this is nonsense, but i blame the fact that my brain is oozing out of my ears.  is that a viable excuse?

anyway. i'm here. i have posts i want to share about cooking and things that we've been doing, in the time that i'm not chained to my computer, and about how musicboy is done with his aa and is moving on to Collegetown U and how much that's going to awesome and hard and scary.

but not today. because, today? my brain is coming out of my ears.

i hope it's pretty. and i hope it's not the part that contains the rationale for my dissertation. 

1 comment:

  1. I am just so excited for you and your defense. Really. I know it's hard to be excited (happy excited, not palpitation excited) when you're the one going through it, which is why I enjoy it as much as I can while I'm still on the pre-defense end of things.

    Which, um, doesn't help you AT ALL. Except to know that there are people out there in the internet, cheering you on. :)