Tuesday, April 6, 2010

the draft is in.

so i dropped off my draft to my director today, which is a HUGE milestone for me. it's done.  the draft. as in i really have nothing left to construct. perhaps this is difficult for people to understand who haven't been there, but it's a huge deal.

the pressure to try to come up with ideas and to develop them...it can be really crippling.

anyway.

who should understand? people in the same program.

so i posted this as my facebook status:

has achieved the equivalent of phd senioritis. i keep forgetting that i have 9000 stacks of papers to grade and just keep dreaming of books to read that have nothing to do with anything. this could be problematic...

what do i get in return, from someone in the same program?  

 this:

uh, yeah. congrats but ... remember about carts and horses and defenses and whatnot. you can do it!  

it frosted my cookies and that's putting it mildly.

why is it so difficult to just let people be happy for ONE FREAKING DAY? of course i realize i'm not DONE.  of course i realize that i have revisions to do and negotiations to do between competing ideas of what needs to be done to my draft. of course i understand that i have to defend my dissertation and that this could be an incredibly stressful time. i am not an idiot. 

but today? today i was just happy to have made this milestone.  

and now i feel like someone rained on my parade. this isn't a plea for hoorays or for yays or for anything else. it's just a musing question about why it is that people have to bring other people down. i would never do that...i would do what other people did, which is to say YAY! because i would understand what a huge milestone it is.

but then again, maybe that's because i am okay with people being happy and celebratory.  

life and academia can make people hard and cynical.  i am glad to live a life that makes me not. 

gah.  

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3 comments:

  1. LolaApril 6, 2010 at 7:11 PM

    If it helps "it frosted my cookies, and that's putting it mildly" TOO! I was really annoyed with her when I got the notification of her comment under mine. I was going to send you a message that said, "HELLO!?!!? Who is your friend with the giant needle going around popping people's pretty (great, big, giant, really hard to come by) balloons?" But then I thought, maybe they are really good friends and that would be offensive. So I just steamed about it for a minute alone (which wasn't nearly as fun). She should have let you have your moment, sheesh. But YAYAYAYAY! and CONGRATS! and HOORAY! and HALLELUJAH! and . . . . ok, I think I got my point across. Forget her and her cart and her horse. We drive cars around these parts, anyway :-) and you'll be at the finish line before you know it, I mean you've done the heavy lifting and it's a huge accomplishment. It'd be like saying, you shouldn't feel proud of yourself for running 23 miles of a marathon, cause you know, you have a few miles left. Dumb. Enjoy the moment! You did great and you're so close to being done! Love you! And congrats!

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  2. AnonymousApril 6, 2010 at 10:08 PM

    First of all, congratulations! This is wonderful! (I say that as an academic who is similarly not cynical.)

    Second, that person? I think the lolcats say it best: she most likely haz a jellus. Furthermore, you're going to pass. Sure, you're not finished-finished, but the really tough part is done. Now you just have to keep chugging until you dot the last "i."

    Hooray for you!

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  3. AnonymousApril 7, 2010 at 2:59 AM

    Oh but she clarified, she was just sympathizing with how you're obviously going to give up now. See, no harm was meant by her statement.

    In her defense, some people don't know how to be happy for others. Or know when they're supposed to be. Or how to express encouragement and motivation. Remember your journey is yours not the peanut gallery's, and you can and should allow yourself a moment to pause and reflect and say "holy monkeys I am incredible". And perhaps celebrate with pie or a cute pair of shoes or even just a night of relaxing.

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