Monday, April 26, 2010

fan club.

when i met my darling musicboy, it was quite clear that he had throngs of female admirers. or, perhaps, i should say that he cultivated a dedicated, loyal following because he's a) adorable, b) kind, c) generous, and d) one of those guys who just likes to be friends with girls.

as i was one of the dedicated, loyal following, i tried hard not to be annoyed.  it was hard. i don't like to compete, and i always felt like i was.

(when i told musicboy that, he sort of laughed. and then he told me that, pretty much from the time we met, there was no competition because i won.  not that he was in love with me from the get go, but that our friendship always trumped any other friendship with any other girl. did that stop him from flirting with anything blonde that moves? no. but that's another story for another time.)

dating, marriage, and first year bliss soon followed.  punctuated by music widowhood and grading widowerhood, these days have been wonderful.

this past semester, it has been alternatingly amusing and annoying to watch this one girl, let's call her groupie, fawn all over my musicboy.  groupie is a music person, but not the hard core musician type that musicboy usually hangs out with. he plays in several ensembles and sings as well, so if there is a music performance at his school, he is usually in it.

and if there is a music performance at his school, groupie and her friends are usually at it. 

and every.single.time she sees him, she asks for a hug.  at first, i thought it was sort of cute. "she has a crush on you," i told musicboy.  he sort of scoffed, but he probably thought so too. he at first thought she was cute in the tiny little sister person that you pat on the head kind of way.

he's likely accustomed to such attention, what with the former glory days of dedicated female followers. 

but, apparently, groupie has begun to wear out her hug-initiating welcome.  while i've always been a little bit [insert marge simpson groan here] about her, it was never motivated by jealousy. more like a lingering sense of "do you not understand that he's married and that this is probably not as appropriate as it would be with, say, a 19 year old unattached college guy?" so i was annoyed.

but apparently groupie initiates hugs not just from my musicboy but from everyone every single time she sees them.  cute? perhaps at first. but now i see the look in his eyes. it's rare, but it's unmistakable.


she just posted on his facebook wall, telling him how she liked all of the songs that he performed on thursday night at the choral concert. he did do stunningly well and i, like an idiot, did not bring the videocamera. 

however, when i read it, i just kept thinking "what is her motivation? what the heck is her deal?"

i have this feeling that she is completely without guile.  she is just her, bouncing around in her completely innocent way, hugging and loving and being rather tiny and perky with no conception as to how it could be or is perceived.

i am both astonished and disturbed by this. 

i feel like people should have a better sense of the world, should be able to read it more effectively.  being cute and tiny and perky only lasts so long. i would venture to guess that after you reach your mid 20s, people expect you to be more than perky. they expect you to be able to move in and cope with the world in an intelligent, incisive way. they expect you to be able to recognize social cues and to respond to them.  they expect you to be less bubble, more substance.

i worry about people who aren't that way.

i worry about groupie, philosophically.

as a wife, i'll admit. i'm pleased that she won't be attending Collegetown U.  i'm sure there will be a whole other flock of women who secretly fawn over my husband.  i get it.  i fawn over him too.

he's adorable and they're not dead. i can't fault them for that.

happily, he's mine.  and his key is in the door right now. 

you know, i really am his biggest fan. no competition.


  1. Two things:

    1) Some guys (my husband, for example, musicboy too, probably), really, legitimately, have no clue when a woman has a crush on them. I used to think this was a bunch of crap, Some of them really don't get it. So there's a good chance that he really doesn't see it for what it is, especially if he's the type of guy who can't believe that people would really like him THAT much. (All the time I tell my husband that he's cute, and he just doesn't believe it. Likewise he doesn't believe that other people see it, too.)

    2) You are a good person, and so you are likely giving groupie more credit than she deserves. I am pretty sure she knows exactly what she's doing, and I'm pretty sure she usually gains some sort of benefits from that behavior, though not from people like musicboy who are totally over it.

    Not that I've every known anyone like groupie. Nope. Not ever. :)

  2. Cycling groupies are the SAME WAY. One girl almost went to our college because that's where Bobby went to school and she wanted him. Even after she found out we'd been together for 3 years. She finally changed her mind when she learned we were well on our way to marriage. I thought, when we got married, that would change. That maybe the girls would control themselves. Oh, no. Far from it. I'm shocked at the blatant things girls have done...things that I've heard about and things that I've seen with my own eyes. It's an "I'm more attractive than his girlfriend/fiancee'/wife" thing. They want to see what they can get away with. I let it be, smile at them and then plant one on my husband when we're away from the ladies. They'll be embarrassed one day. I'll enjoy the fact that Bobby and I chose each other until then.

    And to get around the "flirting with blondes" thing? Might I suggest a beautiful lab retriever? You won't mind if SHE licks his face...