Thursday, February 11, 2010

slogging through mud.

such is a teacher's life, i suppose, that the weeks following due dates feel like an unending jillian michaels workout featuring one very large mountain and her standing at the top with a firehose, pointing it directly at me as i try to climb upward ever upward.

in short: frustrating, futile, and neverending torture.

it's really not all that bad, or it must not be, considering i keep coming back for more.  unless i am a masochist, which i don't think i am, but i guess we all have our own personal brand of masochism.

the frustrating part of this whole deal is that i was completely caught up. AHEAD even.  before we headed up to the arctic north, i was SO on it.  of course, i was procrastinating my dissertation, but even when i was working on both, i was managing to juggle quite well.  balls were up, balls were down, and not a one fell on my cute face.

cue this week, where i feel like one of those stupid hamsters in the wheel.  moving moving moving but never fast enough to really get anywhere.

i'm grading, but i'm also having a week of "it's awesome to be a girl! yay!" that has led me to be in more pain than usual.  i'm usually pretty suck it up tough about such things (being in chronic pelvic pain for almost two years will do that to you) but this time has more difficult than usual, leaving me drained and, today, a little bit teary eyes. nothing is more frustrating than when your spirit is willing but your flesh is oh so weak.

(i also have skipped two days at the gym this week for the same reason. i don't feel guilty at all, but it will likely set me back.)

it's such a busy time right now.  a time when i need to be on my game.  musicboy has a really busy week or two coming up, with a megaimportant admissions audition, a performance on saturday (yes, that's the day before valentine's day...), a big performance the week after which will require lots of rehearsals.  typically, during such a busy time, i try to be a rock for musicboy.  i fill in the blanks for him so that life is easier.

unfortunately, it looks like my life is going to be just as full.

it is times like these that i would like a little miracle, a pause of some kind, so that i can make up for lost time.  i know they'll be there when i really need them. 

in the meantime, i'll keep climbing i suppose.

1 comment:

  1. Things will get better. I promise promise. And sometime, in the not-so-distant future, some of your frustrations WILL go away. I <3 you.