plates and road rage.

i'm starting to really resent the mashed potatoes that are pushing against the peas that are all mixed up in the salad that's all over the meatloaf on my metaphorical life plate.

(how's that for a beginning?)

sometimes, the peas annoy me because i come to class every day, despite often feeling like crap, and people are annoying or don't try or don't read directions or read at all or always want to ask questions that i've already answered or never ask questions or quibble with me about little things or make me nuts with their attitudes.  sometimes the peas fail an exam that i explained in great detail (including everything that would be on it) and i begin to rant about what's even the point when you don't even try?

sometimes the potatoes annoy me because they're always there, like a looming mound about to fall on my head.  i always have something to do, which isn't bad because it keeps me out of trouble, but begins to annoy me because i never really have a break. i have these self-induced breaks where i fall asleep on the couch or choose to watch project runway instead of doing the work, but those are always followed by a short of small shake of the head recognizing that, in another time and place, i would have done better.

sometimes the meatloaf annoys me because, you know, dishes don't ever go away unless you do them and the laundry never really ever gets finished because unless you're naked when you do it, there's about to be something else in the hamper.  the house doesn't get picked up by itself and, much as i wish i was someone who didn't care, i do and it makes me just a little shade of crazy.  but i can't muster the energy or inclination to really do much about it except once a week. 

you get the idea.

but you know what i really think? it annoys me that these things annoy me.  i made my bed.  i am the one who signed up for eight classes and, while i didn't know that i would also be pregnant, i could have done more to prepare. i could do more every day. but even if i didn't do more or prepare more, i could be grateful more.

these are the jobs that are keeping us afloat. they are a 100% windfall indication of how much we are cared for and loved.  we are being watched over, not only because of the presence of these jobs, but also because i am always blessed with the capacity to get things done.  when it seems most unlikely, that's when the miracles happen.

so it sort of annoys me that i am annoyed, because i should be more grateful.

but when i go to class on friday afternoon, i am really nothing but annoyed.  it usually goes away, depending on how well class goes, but that walk from the car to the building? not fun. 

i may just resign myself to that fact. 

--

i think i am a slow pregnant person, because the mood swings have just now completely settled in.  when i drive, i am sure to meet the 50 most idiotic people on the planet...every single time.  and, you know, logically--that just doesn't make sense.  because, really, what are the odds? 

nope. it's me.  if you are the dipstick who rides in front of me on your bike like you own the road, i'm going to comment. if you do anything in your car that i deem slightly annoying, i will comment. and i will likely comment often and quite loudly.

it seems to be, pretty much, confined to the car so far. i seem to be able to muzzle it everywhere else.  don't worry: i'm still a safe driver. i don't do anything different--except yell a little. 

also, i feel inclined to sit down and cry when i'm having a rough day.  and rough day can be defined as any number of things that in normal situations i would take with a grain of salt and brush past as if they mattered not. 

essentially, i am a 4 year old.  which is good, because me and Baby will be able to hang out and bond since we'll be basically at the same developmental level.

sigh.