i've never really tried to explain this to anyone, because i think it sounds strange myself, but i think that maybe it's more universal than i think.
have you ever felt like you wanted to go home when you were already home?
i don't think it's about home. i think it's about the childhood desire to escape whatever is scary or hard or perplexing and retreat, safely, to the arms of your mom, who has the ability to make anything better.
yeah, i'm there.
i'm so tired. like i woke up this morning and i was tired. i feel like i say that a lot, and that's possibly because i'm constantly operating on a sleep deficit of too much, but i feel physically tired. not brain tired, which i normally achieve about 7 pm and have to push past in order to get things done, not life tired, which i usually feel by thursday when i just can't quite push myself too much further but do it anyway. not muscle tired, which i actually love because it brings on good sleep and testifies of positive effort.
no, this is the kind of eye-drooping, slogging-through-mud tired that i feel everywhere. in fact, right now, i feel it even in the leg that is sort of hanging off of the recliner. i have been trying to push myself today to try to get things done--oh, it will be a doozie of a week--but it's tough when all i want to do is lay like vegetables.
the end is in sight. the complete draft is due in a week and a half. i have about three weeks (and two big sets of papers to grade) between me and sweet freedom from my traditional classes. in about a month or so, i will be defended. which means that i will be very close to being done. DONE.
but, right now, i just want to go home.