the scale moved, but it moved up. the level of frustration would overwhelm me if i really thought about it. i angsted about it to my lovely husband via text message, to which he replied "i think you're perfect the way you are."
and he really means it.
just before that, i asked him if everything was going to work out okay. it was monday, and it was feeling like a rough day for sure.
he said "oh yeah. we have each other. and we're still totally in love."
the night before, just as i was falling asleep, he whispered that we had almost been married eight months. and then he said "we're doing pretty good." or something awesomely equivalent.
yes, musicboy, we're doing pretty good.
gosh i love him. it's this constant state of existence. i don't realize, sometimes, in the midst of my days, just how much until i try to think of life--or anything--without him. and then the depth of my commitment to him and just how much he makes my everyday everything better hits me with a blind surge of panic at the idea that i could ever lose him. despite knowing what i know--that we will be together forever--i am absolutely and fundamentally at a loss to think of how i would deal without him.
he calms my storms, melts the madness, believes in me in a way that allows me to do more than i've ever been able to do before. he inspires me, simply because i love him so much, to do more and be more and give more and everything i have to our family. he makes me dream bigger and in more vibrant shades of color about life than i normally would. he plays the ukelele while i grade. we don't do anything with anyone else because we're so totally happy being together. we laugh about really retarded things and quote night at the museum 2 with obnoxious regularity. we lift each other up.
he is my perfect dream.
and i get to live it, for real, every day.