baby shower #1 was an enormously huge and overwhelming blessing. many of the people who attended don't know me at all--they either know musicboy (and therefore possibly have known me for a little bit) or they know musicboy's mom. to be so completely showered with gifts from people who aren't really that invested in you except by proxy is humbling and slightly overwhelming to me.
musicboy's grandma--THE greatgrandma that Baby Girl will know in this life--made us so much. one things he made us was a personalized car seat blanket with Baby Girl's name on it. i cried, at first because it was so sweet, and then because i thought that it was precisely what my grandma would have done for sweet Baby Girl if she was here and could do it. it made me feel like a part of her was here with me, which i think that i will continue to feel as Baby Girl's arrival draws closer.
it helped that the shower was also on her birthday. it was like i was, in my heart, celebrating the two sides of my family tree, the past and the future, all at once.
i had a dream last night (can you call 3am last night when it's 5am?) that i was -4 station and -1 centimeter dilated. as in i dreamed my cervix was even more closed than it would be normally. i don't know what that's trying to tell me, but i also had to be sedated to get my cervix checked in my dream.
anxious much, you think?
i think being pregnant makes me prefer my own house. we were gone for several days this past weekend, and while the change of scenery and company was awesome, somehow it was amazing to come home. our house felt like home, and that made me so happy. we must be doing something right.
if you look in our living room right now, you'll just see bags and bags of stuff that has yet to be carried to Baby Girl's room and/or washed and/or organized. you'll see an assembled pack n' play in the corner of the dining room, waiting for its (more) permanent home.
and you'll see me, thinking that we need a baby to use all of this stuff.
newborn diapers are TINY. we got a diaper cake full of them. THEY ARE TINY. tiny little butts. musicboy looked at them and said "she'll fit those for the first day." i'm hoping for the first week, but if not, we'll pass them on.
but they're so tiny. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. are babies really that small?
i'm still eating cookie dough.
i looked at the calendar yesterday and realized that, on friday, we will enter our last month. as in a month until our due date. CRAZY. how'd it go so fast? there were times i thought it would never end, but now it seems like i feel both the end looming near and a normal sense of nervousness about it. i don't think i'm scared anymore, which is good.
i'm pretty sure i'm having braxton-hicks contractions at least once a day. of course, i don't know what they really are supposed to feel like, but these feel like cramps. i figure, that must be something. so i change my position or breathe deeply and they go away. it's just enough for me to notice, but not enough for me to freak out about. and the breathing really works.
that's comforting as well.
i feel incredibly motivated to get grading done and caught up this week and to stay caught up in the coming days. i don't know if that's my professional manifestation of nesting, but it makes sense to me. i'm feeling motivated. don't worry. it's not a burst of energy. i'm not scrubbing the floors yet. just trying to sort things.
i like things sorted.
i am dying to get the baby laundry detergent, though, and finally wash all of these things though. however, baby shower #2 (full of people who know me!) is on saturday.
after that, all bets are off. i'm pretty sure i'll be doing laundry and getting the last few things and going into crazy nesting mode. i've told myself i have to wait until after the showers to do so, so my self-imposed restriction is almost over.
i've told Baby Girl that she has to wait until march 21st at least to make her appearance. i think that will be fine. all will be finished, for the most part, by then. one of my online courses will be over. the wedding we have to attend will be done.
hopefully we'll be ready. of course, she can wait until later if she wants. it's a little nuts that we're talking about approximately two weeks from now.
this is all nuts. NUTS.
i have decided that i think she's going to be cute. i was oddly worried about that, but when i look at her ultrasound (granted, not the best indicator of potential cuteness) her facial features are really quite cute. but even if she's goofy looking, she'll grow into it. not all babies are gerber babies--but all kids are adorable. somehow, they just always are.
but i think she'll be cute. i think she'll take after her daddy, and that DEFINITELY means she'll be cute.
have i overwhelmed you yet? sorry. it's 5:11 and i've been up grading for 2 hours. par for the course, i guess.
in short: all is well here. we are healthy and VERY LARGE and i am getting frequently kicked in the rib area and reminded that leaning over to sit is no longer an option and we are getting ready, in every way that we can.
i should probably think about something else besides this, but you know...that's more than is reasonable to ask, i think, of anyone with a kickball-sized stomach. :)