we're halfway through. WHATTHEHECK.
so anyone who's all "you feel bonded to your baby immediately, as soon as you see those pink lines!" is not me. and i was worried about that a little. i kept saying it was all very surreal, but that was code for "other than feeling like crap, i don't feel like there's a kid coming. uhm, i'm supposed to be ready then, right? uhmmm."
this Baby was prayed for and wanted and planned for, no doubt. and nothing about that changed. but...just because you want it doesn't mean it's not new and weird and different. if it hadn't been for the book i have about pregnancy (NOT the what to expect book, which i think should be used only as a doorstop or a projectile at someone you loathe, because it's awful), which basically said "hey. everybody gets there in their own time," i would have been more freaked out.
i'm there now. there's a reason why it takes 40 weeks to have a baby. i'm pretty sure the first 20 is adjustment, and the last 20 is planning. i am SO ready to plan.
Baby likes daddy better than me. cutest thing ever so far? when musicboy was saying "no...." sort of loudly but not in a mean way (tough to explain in writing, but just trust me) one afternoon last week, Baby kicked. i laughed, told musicboy, and he did it again. KICK. i told him and he did it again. KICK AGAIN.
crazy kid loves the daddy. that makes me HAPPY.
not jealous. yet. :)
Baby is growing, so that means where i'm feeling kicks is changing. i woke up this morning and swear that my belly grew, which is entirely possible but still weird. my profile is definitely changing, which is awesome. i'm a bit tired of just feeling like i look fat rather than pregnant, but that's okay too because i have a feeling that pretty soon i'm going to have very few wardrobe options, so i'm enjoying the ones that still work while they last.
but i'll admit, feeling little kick/jab/flutters underneath your belly button is weird. it's anti-where-you-picture-your-uterus. also i keep thinking "wow, kid, are you already head down? what's jabbing me?" so there's that too.
i could eat the world today. seriously. i'm so hungry. it's nutso crazytown. i haven't even gotten on the scale lately, though i probably will before the doctor's office just so i'm not horribly surprised. i'm resigning myself, slowly, to the idea that i actually am doing the best i can and, once this semester's over, will be incorporating more exercise which, combined with my near obsession about trying to eat pretty well and evenly, is all i can do. so, come what may and love it, you know?
i have zero control over anything i don't have control over. and if it means a healthy Baby with some fat stores, bring it.
but me and Body Combat are going to be good friends. i can feel it. and i'm EXCITED.
monday is ultrasound day. don't worry. i'll post the results.
i'm EXCITED. like going to disneyland excited. or getting there. i can hardly believe it's already here. i can hardly wait to see how nuts the grandmas go. i can hardly wait to be present for said crazy, since i'll be heading home to northland for thanksgiving while musicboy goes south (got some family drama; nothing terrible, just things that require support and presence, so i'm going). we'll get a front row seat to the gender crazy.
it's hilarious, really.
but maybe then i'll know (or have an idea) what to do with the nursery. all of the options i've really considered so far are gender neutral but are really just focused on the gender i think it probably is.
which means that i actually have an opinion, which is sort of new over the past two or so weeks. i'm not disclosing here, because i really won't be surprised if i'm wrong nor will i be the least bit disappointed. nothing about pregnancy has been remotely what i thought it would be, so why wouldn't i be totally surprised?
plus it seems like a total punk'd prank that my kid would do to me. so there's that.
i'm really hungry. did i mention?
first craving: grapefruit. it took me a little bit to get to it, and then it only lasted a little bit before i sort of was like "okay. done. thanks."
i find these types of cravings perplexing. most of the time i have no idea what i want to eat and instead stand in front of the cabinet or fridge patting my belly and saying "Baby, what IS it that you want?" because heck if i know.
i hope the kid isn't this picky when it's on this side of the world.
i know that once people stop asking about the gender, they'll start asking about names. i never ask about names. EVER. because, really, i have a philosophy about it and i like my philosophy and also it seems like a very personal question, but that's never stopped anyone before.
but i'm sort of not looking forward to that, because we're already getting it and so...yeah.
question for you moms: how far apart do contractions have to be apart before you REALLY have to go to the hospital? the place we're delivering has required fetal monitoring and IVs, which means i'll be strapped to a bed. since that doesn't really jive with my birth plan of natural childbirth (uninterested in you telling me that i'm crazy, so please don't), i'm planning on laboring at home for as long as possible.
i'll ask the doctor, but...for reals. i live like literally down the road from the hospital. i can practically see it from my front door. how long can i wait? i'm guessing 2 to 3 minutes apart. even then, i may still have a ways to go.
i need a snack. or for musicboy to get home so we can go eat something somewhere that's not here.
see? eat the world. i'm so serious.