it's been a long day, but in the fading afternoon light in my bedroom, where maggie and i had escaped to let the downstairs air out after the pest man came (i hate it, but it's reality when you're renting), something truly magical happened.
i have been deeply frustrated every time i try to feed maggie. she's very distracted right now, and she won't eat well. she smiles and she moves every which way and she eats just enough to be briefly satisfied (but by no means full) and then acts like it's an affront that i keep trying to offer her the bottle. sometimes she'll take it if i read a book to her while she's sitting in her bouncy chair, so that she's distracted enough to eat. it's as if she forgets that food is for chumps.
combine this with her being up twice last night to eat (though one of those "night" wakings was 6am, so guess i can't really count it) and making noises every time she cycled in and out of sleep (though never waking up, she did at one point yell out and at another point grunt really loudly) means i am very tired.
it is getting toward the end of the day. we had just fought another food fight, and she did pretty well, but when i tried to get her to nap, she screamed and howled like she was still hungry (see?) and so she ate the last ounce.
she was wrapped up, in my arms, when she finished and i just looked down at her.
and she was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen in my life.
somehow the light made her already creamy skin seem like porcelain and her eyes even larger than they normally are. she was smiling at me and i nearly cried, as i stroked her face and told her how beautiful she was. i asked her if she knew that, that she was beautiful, and told her that i thought she didn't and that that was okay.
she looked at me as if what i was saying held the key to all of life's truths and magic. as if i was the most amazing thing in the world.
i may not be getting much sleep right now, and i may have to fight every two and a half hours to have my daughter get the calories she needs to be the happy, cheerful girl she is (and SHE IS. so happy right now), but there are moments like this that make everything i've ever done or ever will do for this girl worth it.
she is my magic.