interminable.

the grading and the grading onslaught. it's just interminable.

and strangely, i'm finding that i no longer really want to work at collegetown u. it's not that i'm not really grateful for the opportunities, or that they don't pay well, but i just hate the bureaucracy of it. i guess it's my rebellious nature, but i like being in control of my classes and having the flexibility to be merciful when i want to be merciful and not constantly feel like i'm looking over my shoulder, wondering if someone is judging me.

i'm a doctor, for crying out loud. i wish i could feel like that there.

but this is all just ranting and raving because the reality is that i'm at a loss for a better gig, and i'll take what they give me gratefully and i'll do my job as well as i can until they no longer want me. and i'm not suggesting that i don't want them to.  i just...feel sort of stifled.

but i think that just could be from the semester itself and how it just seems to go on and on and on.  i just want it to be over.

or i want students to understand that i really do try to be as fair as possible, but that my fair is not always what their fair is.  they seem to think that my goal is to make their lives as difficult and horrendous as possible.  i really wish they'd stop that. i really wish that would stop feeling so unfair.

blah. 

i just want it all to be over.  now i'm just waiting for the onslaught of whining from people who don't like their grades, and then i can post them, and then i can go away from this and try to be festive and organize my house and start on the Baby's room and all of those things that i've been dying to do but can't manage to do when my brain is constantly wondering what bombs are waiting for me in my email box.

sigh.

i need to unplug, i think.  how, exactly, does one go about doing that?