i'm on day 2 of my daughter's life, and so far my bottom lines have been these:
- nothing, and i do mean NOTHING, has turned out the way that i expected. everything from breastfeeding to labor to choices to the way i have handled it all have been a complete surprise, and yet they have been right.
- thus, i have learned this: i have been a very judgmental person in my life. i come from a space, often, of black and white. sometimes, that is appropriate. oftentimes, it is not. i sincerely repent of this in my heart, and yet i know that i will likely face the same sort of treatment from kindly intentioned others who share my same particular human foible. being the same, i think i will understand. however, i truly see life a little bit differently. nobody knows the shoes you walk in, and nobody can make your choices for you.
- this week has been a love letter to me from my Heavenly Father and from me to my husband. i have never felt more loved, cared for, or supported in my ENTIRE life.
- i am already learning to let go of what could be, what "should" have been, what might be, and instead learning to really love the moments when i get to try to get to know this precious spirit who has come to our family. everything else is just...good ideas or nonsense.
- i am exhausted (probably a sum total of about 8 hours sleep over the past 72 hours or so) and i am surprised at how well i am handling it. i am thrashed physically, and i am surprised how well i am handling it. i feel very keenly my responsibilities, and sometimes that brings me to tears, but i am also more often than not a little bit kinder, a little bit more generous, a little bit more aware of how much others have done for me and how much kindness is bestowed upon me. i more often have a smile on my face than i ever have before.
i am in love with my life.