Tuesday, November 17, 2009

yin and yang.

last night, after unexpectedly receiving a belated visa gift card in the mail for our birthdays, musicboy and i went out for family night on a real date.  the kind of date where you go to dinner and then a movie and then ice cream and try not to think about the calories.

the kind where you make out at the stoplights and cuddle in the movie theater.

the kind that make other people want to throw things at your windshield because they're so shocked that you're "multitasking" in the privacy of your own vehicle at a stoplight.

the kind where there is no talk of dishes or laundry or any other life-related thing.

it was lovely. it was preceded by a family home evening lesson on seeking given by my brilliant musicboy. it was a really good reminder that we should be seeking the Lord first and early.

yesterday was good.

then i woke up this morning in a FUNK. seriously though.  i did not want to face my day, which is my longest day. mainly, it's the tutoring job that i hate.  i used to not hate it so much. i used to be able to find joy in it.  i think since i have decided that i won't be coming back next semester (though i have yet to communicate that to my boss, despite all of my other teaching plans being basically cemented), i no longer see it as anything other than annoying. it could also be because i get zero break there.  even when there are two or three of us there, which is the rare portion of my time because i am normally by myself, the constant stream of students makes my head swim and my eyes cross.

and basically i am just ungrateful.

all that said, today is the flip side of yesterday.  which i sort of hate.

but i miss my musicboy and i'm exhausted (and have been, combined with nauseous, for at least a week...no, i'm not pregnant) and i'm tired of this semester and i want it to be over. i want life to be easy.  i want the work to be done.  i want a BREAK.  even on the weekends, i find it very difficult to find a break. it's not because i don't get them--i'm lazy when i need to be so--but because i'm always thinking about what i should be doing or what has yet to be done or what needs to be thought about or planned or ohmygosh what will i do next?

it's really rather exhausting.

and on that happy note, i need to read my scriptures.  i haven't really sought the Lord much today, and He's the one who can help with all of this.

update: i read a conference talk, and this was one of the quotes. "Adam was told, “Cursed shall be the ground for thy sake,” which meant for his benefit, and “by the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread.”3 Work is a continual burden, but it is also a continual blessing “for [our] sake,” for it teaches lessons we can learn only “by the sweat of [our] face.” you can't tell me that the Spirit isn't real. i needed to read that right then.

excuse me while i get to work and seek to find the blessing in it. 

1 comment:

  1. I get a three day weekend and I still feel exhausted. There is always so much to do. More often than not I have trouble sleeping because I'm thinking about what I have left to do.

    But then, having had periods of time where I had nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs at home all day, I can't help but be grateful every now and then. Even if I fall asleep on my computer from time to time.