Tuesday, April 24, 2012

dear baby sister: thank you.

Baby Sister,

you rock already. i just wanted to tell you that now, as i'm thinking about it and you just flutterkicked the heck out of me.  you are awesome and already so, so different from your sister.

i don't expect any different. for your whole life.

everyone thought you were a boy, even daddy, and i did too because i felt so different.  but there was a time when i began to feel like you were another little girl, so by the time it was time to find out, i didn't care. i just wanted to know that all of your bones were growing, that your spine looked like such a beautiful string of pearls, that your head contained a big, beautiful brain, that your heart was beating well. 

so when they told me that you were a girl ("that view should look familiar" said the ultrasound tech), i was not expecting to be so filled with overwhelming joy. but i was.  pure joy, from my toes to my head.  i cried.

we are so excited for you.

before i went to that appointment, i ate a lot of jelly beans. see, when maggie was in my belly, she didn't want to move AT ALL for the ultrasound.  so i thought, just in case, i would urge you along.

i really didn't need to do that. in fact, i have to go back to get a picture taken of your heart because you moved SO MUCH. you were rockin' and rollin' in there, already an individual who had your own idea of how to behave in each situation. in fact, i have noticed that when i eat a lot of sugar, you react A LOT.  i should keep an eye on that, i think. but i love that about you. you're just so...excited.  already. 

i was thinking about you yesterday, and it sort of came to me that your reaction to the jelly beans and your tendency towards periods of huge activity (lots of kicks and flutters in a short amount of time) tell me a little bit about who you are. we've been trying to think about your name, and though we think we have it narrowed down (because nothing else seems to fit but this one name, though we're not certain), i just wasn't sure if it was you.

yes, we have lots of time to figure it out, but i want to start to get to know you. if i know your name, i think that helps.  so i was thinking about this name that we've been kicking around, and wondering if it suits you. and suddenly...i got a little glimpse of who you are.

and i think you're like me.

see, most of the time, i walk around getting VERY EXCITABLE about certain things and then moving on. it's not that i'm hyper or even especially passionate. i'm just...as your daddy said...enthused about things that capture my fancy. so, lately, for example, i've been ranting and raving to your daddy about my teaching jobs.  "ranting" and "raving" may not be the best terminology, but i always get very animated, using my hands to punctuate what i say and feeling very strongly about what i say.  but that doesn't mean that my blood pressure rises or that i'm angry or upset--just ANIMATED.

and i think you might be like that too.

maggie is more like your daddy--steady, confident, sure of herself. i think you might be more like me: quick to be excited but perhaps equally quick to doubt.  i think the name we've been thinking of suits you, and i think it is a confident name, a name that says to the world that you are unique, an individual, but someone who is spunky and faces the world with a great deal of enthusiasm. 

i'm excited to meet you, baby girl.  i'm sure you'll grow to hate the fact that we called you Baby Sister until we were sure about your name, and maybe even after, but know that it's the greatest term of endearment we can come up with now. soon you'll be someone else, called by your name or by some nickname (like maggie's bubba or doodlebug) that i come up with organically because it just comes out of my mouth.

but in the meantime, sweet Baby Sister, thanks for being you. keep growing. keep kicking. keep reminding me that you are entirely different than our sweet maggie girl, because it just reminds me that i have double the blessings in the form of two extraordinary daughters who are bound to rule the world, with love, someday.

i love you already.  thanks for being content with what i have to offer right now, which isn't as much as i could give you under different circumstances.  i may be distracted, busy, and stressed, but each day brings more excitement to meet you and each day makes me want to know you more.  i can't wait to get to know you.  i think we're going to really like each other--at least until you're 11.  :)


1 comment:

  1. Carrie, this is beautiful. You are a fantastic mom. What lucky little girls.