cue the procrastination.

well, we made it.

we made it through the week we'd been both dreading and looking forward to for MONTHS--ultrasound, recital, maggie's first birthday party. it was GOOD. we were blessed. all went well, save some elevated blood pressure at the doctor's appointment (new doctor, they wanted me to do a ton of labwork because of it, i got a blood pressure monitor instead and have been monitoring--oh look, not a smidge over 120/70...going to call and say "not doing labs--have evidence it's nerves, so leave me alone" and see how that goes over). 

we made it.

now descends the end-of-semester madness.  yay for that.

but mainly i just wanted to write about how i think it's entirely CRAPPY that parents don't support other parents. we are all so darn judgmental. i posted a facebook status update about reverence in church. i wasn't yelling, i wasn't upset, i was just alarmed at how LOUD it is in church.  i specifically said i didn't think anything of kids being the cause of this, only that i thought the bigger people could be quieter in general, beginning with myself.  i have only noticed this lately, since maggie has been increasingly interested in the world and, therefore, increasingly difficult to get to sleep at church. i know the day is coming when she will no longer do it.  i'm not looking forward to that day at all, but in the meantime, i literally have to cover her ears, even when in the mother's room, when someone walks into the door of the building. it's absurd.

but the chapel? good grief. we walked in with a sleeping baby. but the pre-Sacrament meeting din was so loud that she woke up. i got her back to sleep, hello organ (not slamming the organ--just wow you don't notice how loud that is).  back to sleep, hello microphone.  and this all amid a lot of just noise.

it was just disturbing, that's all. (so was walking out during the opening prayer to hit the mother's room and seeing someone staring at me, who was clearly not closing eyes or bowing heads. weird.)

so i posted a status about it and i have some dad basically telling me that i'm doing it wrong, that it shouldn't be hard to just give them a look and a shh and that's it.  that the Spirit exists independent of children, that we should just listen to the speakers. he's a dad. and i don't want to be annoyingly sexist, but i wouldn't be surprised if i talked to his wife and she admitted to having the same problems that we (me and said dad's sister-in-law) have.  of course it's not my child's fault that i am distracted--but she IS the reason. it would be wonderful to just tune her out and listen to the speaker, but in the meantime, she would have climbed onto the pew and fallen off, cracking her skull, or removed the entire contents of my purse while proceeding to gum my iPhone into oblivion or eat a mechanical pencil, or walked onto the stand (climbing the stairs by herself) to party with the piano, or run down the hall never to be seen or heard from again.  that's not a viable option.

beyond that, WHY CAN'T WE JUST BE SUPPORTIVE? you don't have to agree with the other person. you can even suggest that the person may not be entirely clear on a particular concept. but why is it necessary to, when seeing a struggling parent, pour salt onto a metaphorical wound? what purpose does that serve? what good does it do? NONE.  it just divides parents.  shouldn't we be united, especially within our church? shouldn't we be each other's greatest support system?

i just don't get it. 

parenthood can be incredibly isolating. my sunday experiences are emblematic of this. i spend much of the three hour block separated from where i "should" be because i have responsibilities that call me out of class.  maybe you're the person who sits in the front row and thinks bad thoughts about the mom in the back row with the really adorable towheaded kid who wanders up to the front occasionally. maybe you're the one who doesn't understand why the family is sitting on the couch. maybe you're the one who thinks it can't be that difficult to just get a kid to take a nap. 

if you are, i guarantee you're not a parent yet, because i've been you.  but if you ARE a parent, and you still think that, i don't understand. i really, really don't understand.  nothing has taught me more about the need for friendly, empathetic faces and understanding arms than being a mom for the last year.  and now, with Baby Sister on the way and what can only be described as insanity looming this fall, i need it.

i just wish i could find it more readily sometimes.  i just wish we were all a little less sure of how right we are and a little more sure of how much we love each other and appreciate each other's challenges, even if they are not our own. 

and that rambling rant is now concluded in favor of SOME kind of productive work being done on my exhaustive/exhausting list of remaining things to grade.