Sunday, August 1, 2010

sunlight through the window.

every morning, i wake up at around the same time.  i'm not sure if it's because of the new sunlight pouring through the windows near where i sleep, or if it's because i am on some sort of new schedule, but it leaves me time in the morning to do things.

it has become a rhythm that i am just accustomed to. i am grateful that getting up earlier hasn't been too much of a struggle, and i hope that will be true when i keep pushing it back in anticipation of fall.


last week was the final inspection on the old apartment.  we spent probably a total of 2.5 hours cleaning, but of course there were some "minor cleaning things" that still needed to be done. i don't care. i didn't really clean the baseboards and i didn't really scrub the walls and i really don't care much. if we get anything back, i will be happy.

as i was driving away, no longer the holder of two almost identical house keys, i felt an inexplicable pang of sadness. i wasn't expecting it, honestly.  i was a bit taken aback by why i would feel sad to be closing that door.  but i did, and the only way i can really explain it is this:

no matter how ready i am for good change, i almost always feel keenly the ending of the last chapter.

it's part of my nature, i'm beginning to realize. as long as i don't spend too long looking back (and i didn't), then i'm usually fine.

i am glad the move is finally over. that house, with all of its idiosyncratic oddities, was quite good to us. in some ways, i will miss it.

in other ways, not so much.


as i drove past a big chain pharmacy not far from our new place, i saw a sign advertising a FT pharmacy tech position.  i immediately, and for no clear reason, thought of younger ex who just returned from a mission.  i thought i should let him know about this job, because it was something that he did before he left.

when i thought this, i was surprised. out of the blue much? i don't speak to him, purposely, because we're not friends and really never will be.  maybe that's immature, but that's just me.

but as i drove by it again, i felt the same thing.  i sort of dismissed it, with a sort of curious wonder.  why did i keep thinking this?

shortly after i got home, i checked my email and got a message from my old roommate that younger ex is now engaged.

and suddenly it all fit.

so i messaged him, told him the whole random story, and wished him much joy and happiness. i feel oddly grateful that he has found someone so quickly. i feel like he is one of those people who needs to be married, who needs that support system to keep himself grounded. i sincerely hope it all works out for him. 

i have not heard back, other than from my subconscious, which then filled in all of the questioning blanks of my mind with a long-winded and seriously complicated dream about how and why they met. here's a little tidbit: it was china, there was something about paris hilton being accidentally topless in the dairy aisle of a supermarket, and the letter was written on a plastic tablecloth.

my life is so surreal sometimes. my dreams just make it apparent.


9pm feels like 1am now.  it's the oddest thing i've ever felt, especially as a night owl.


i have one more week of classes, and then several weeks of vacation.  i am beginning to crave the vacation.  in the meantime, we have pictures to hang and an office to organize and school supplies to buy and a cap and gown to pick up and a cap to decorate and a cake to bake for my graduation/anniversary and plans to make for when my mom comes to visit.

it's going to be fun.

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