it feels like ages.

it feels like i don't blog much anymore.

perhaps it's because i use the spare time i have not spent babywrangling (ha!) or trying to keep on top of the housework (bottles have to be washed, whether you feel like it or not) spending time with my husband, who is home a lot right now but won't be in about three weeks.

yes, our idyllic respite of time with musicboy at home is about to come to an end.  i do not look forward to this day, no not at all.  this day brings with it the old familiar days, long stretches of time just me and baby girl.  that's not necessarily bad in and of itself, but it becomes bad when i have things i have to do and baby girl has her own ideas about what will happen and when it will happen.

so i'm working ahead, and we created a schedule that allows both of us to get work done in uninterrupted (relatively speaking, since there is a 2 month old (almost three month old by then!) in the house) blocks of time.  i think it will work well, at least for me. it remains to be seen how much work musicboy will have during the two classes that begin at the end of june.  it may be insane, and thus we will have to readjust, but at least we have a game plan.

--

2 month shots suck.

the end.

well, not the end, because that's not very interesting and sounds much more Scary and Menacing than it really needs to be. 

i just didn't like seeing my baby girl not be her smiley self for a few days. really, it was just yesterday and the day before, since she did supremely well on the day of her shots (tuesday).  she cried like nobody's business, and it took a while to soothe her, but it didn't help that she was already supertired from missing her morning nap. 

but that day wasn't bad.

and no day was BAD per se, but she just was more fussy and would cry more often and wouldn't smile as much. she had her moments where glimmers of her sunny disposition would shoot out at me, but most of the time she just seemed...ticked off.  i felt like i couldn't read her cues anymore, which disturbed me more than anything because i don't think there's anything more frustrating than a crying baby when you have no idea why said baby is crying.

(i'll interject here that i am the world's stupidest human because it didn't occur to me in those moments of crying that she was, i don't know, suffering from body aches or some reaction from the shots that was in fact physical in nature. i just thought she was being a pill.  good on me.)

unless it's not being able to do anything for said crying.  that's worse, definitely.

but those crying spells were brief and we made our way through them, though i found wednesday and thursday tiring in some ways because of it.

but mainly i started to freak out because i thought maybe my baby was just changing into this peevish, crying creature--entirely different than her nature. maybe, somehow, these shots had changed her.

and let me just say here that dr. google is a VERY BAD MAN when it comes to immunization stuff. basically, don't google 2 month shots and fussiness unless you want to read stories about how babies died from shots and YOU MUST NOT GET THEM.

ahem.

anyways. 

i was talking to my mom last night, and she said something so profound. she said, like my sweet girl, i am building up motherhood immunity.

say what? (i can hear you. don't be creeped out.)

well, just like maggie girl needs shots in order to build up an immunity to these diseases that will make her suffer and put her in danger if she is exposed to them, i have to build up immunity to these typical motherhood worries and the more i experience, the less dangerous those scenarios are to my tender psyche (which, legitimately, is so much more tender since baby girl came.  i cry a lot. at first i thought it was because i was hormonal as the day is long. now i think it's because my heart is bigger and more prone to feel things deeply.).  the more i go through, the more immunity i build. that's not to say i won't worry ever (ha! what an idea.) but more that i have perspective, i have the ability to see what is really going on, and i have the ability to weather the storm better.

i liked that a lot. she's a smart one, my mama.

so me and maggie girl are building up our immunity. she's much better today--she woke up sunshiney (after she ate, of course) and smiley and though she's been fussy a bit, it's been because her feeding schedule is whacked a little. i can't figure out why she's so hungry all of the time, but it might be because she slept from 10 to 6 last night.

yep. i said it. 

so if she wants to eat all the time, she's welcome to it.  i think she's catching up from missing that feeding.  her daytime sleep is all jacked up, but i think we're on the way to figuring that one out too.  these babies and their constant changing. 

it's a whirlwind.  a beautiful, smiley, adorable whirlwind, but a whirlwind nonetheless. 

whew.

--

we are doing well here.  my mom arrives in less than two hours for a long weekend wherein our daughter will be blessed at our church. i am excited.  we will be hosting a little gettogether afterwards, and so i'm in full planning mode for that. it's nice.  it reminds me of the old me. 

what is strikingly different, though, is the power spurts i go through during nap time.  especially right now, when the baby isn't sleeping more than 45 minutes at a time (grr 8 weeks and your weirdness!) during the day, i have to make use of every moment.  she went down at 2:30 and i spent the next 30 minutes chasing around, washing windows, taking out trash, starting to wash bottles, and picking up around the house.  then i blogged, but that's neither here nor there.  the point is--before? i would laze about and do one thing here and one thing there. now it's a whirlwind of activity.

huh.  seems like that's a trend.

it's going to be a good weekend. 

that makes sense, since it's a pretty darn good life.