Friday, July 6, 2012

32.5 weeks.

i don't remember how i felt when i was this pregnant last time. was i this tired? was i this determined to get EVERYTHING done before she came? was i this down on myself, watching the number on the scale move ever closer to a number i haven't seen in YEARS?

i'm sure i was. in fact, i may go back and look at the posts from that time when i'm done with this one so that i can remember.  i do remember a few choice, golden nuggets of pregnancy side effects that have reared their ugly heads again. i seem to remember, in fact, that one of them happened right about this time and i was like "what?!?" 

it's hard being pregnant and having a toddler. it's not like she's physically demanding, really. she climbs the stairs on her own and can climb down with a finger to hold on to.  she climbs on me, but doesn't mind sitting on a tall pillow beside me.  she's not THAT heavy, and i'm not so large that getting her in and out of her carseat is a big deal. 

no, it's not physical. it's entirely emotional.  it's just exhausting keeping up with her, especially when she's in a "i'm not listening..." mood that day. i just don't have any patience. and it's not just with her. i have no patience with anyone, really: drivers on the road, students in my class, any piece of technology, my poor, wonderful husband, dishes, the fact that dinner has to be made every night.  nothing. i have patience for nothing.  this has been, by far, the worst side effect of this pregnancy. my mood swings are just not good.  i'm taking fish oil to try to combat it (read about it online), and i don't know if it's working or not. i know when i am eating better, eating more protein, i tend to feel better.  imagine that.

(ahahahahaha....just found week 33 from maggie--sound familiar?)

whatever. i'm getting stuff done. i'm determined. and i'm sometimes miserable. but not as miserable as i could be. perhaps not even as miserable as i might one day be, sometime soon.  perhaps not even as miserable as i deserve to be, given my attitude.  my feet keep swelling up, and that FRUSTRATES me so much (i never swelled much with my first pregnancy...summer pregnancies suck for that reason alone).  i've got aches and pains and braxton-hicks that beat the band, man.  but i get to practice my deep breathing and it's all good.

56 days, give or take 14.  i can make it. there's a little co-sleeping bassinet set up in our room now that tells me that, whatever i endure, it's worth it in the end. 

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