i think i've lost my chops.

i've never considered myself an exceptionally social person, though i very much like to meet people and to engage in spirited conversation. i always liked hanging out with friends in my pre-marriage life, and i liked making fun happen.

i don't know what has happened to that person, but socializing wears me out, mainly because i feel like once you get married it's awkward to try to have friends.

am i the only one who feels that way?

even standard sorts of activities seem strained to me, especially if my kid is around. i'm certain that's because i don't have the wherewithal to try to engage socially when i'm trying to make sure my kid doesn't launch herself, head first, off of a set of stairs, but it's also just sort of exhausting to put an almost 14 month old in the midst of adults.  it's a landmined field of awesome, because i don't know where she'll go or what she'll do and yay there she is talking to a stranger and oh boy there's a tablecloth she's going to pull (not might...going) because wouldn't you if you were at that height?

you get my drift here, right?

so we have bantered, off and on, about how we should invite people over, make friends, do things. but honestly? i'm tired.  and i want to make friends, and i seem to do okay when i'm on my own, but when it's a family thing, i just stink at it.

so is that how married life is? you have your separate friends? because i find it exceptionally easy to make momfriends, and i don't mind when it's a momfriend activity plus baby because moms tend to gravitate toward the non-potentially-lethal activities.  but mostly i just feel stupid at other socializing, and like people just don't like me.

but maybe this is how it just is right now? maybe someday, when our kids are a bit older and we have settled someplace, we will find families who have similarly aged children and be friends with them (because, hopefully, i'll like the moms of my kids' friends or that's going to really be stupid)?

so i'm putting this out there: is this normal? am i just bad at this now?