Tuesday, January 31, 2012

good grief.

there's so much to say.

new baby coming. edd: september 1st (and i totally called that due date, too).

i'm exhausted and stressed.

maggie is all kinds of developing. walking. nearly talking (she has her own language that makes me laugh. i'm constantly asking her "what does that MEAN?!?").  throwing hissy fits when she doesn't get her way. incredibly cuddly.  adorable and fun.  exhausting. 

my husband is amazing. i am in awe of him. he just...is wonderful. and the most wonderful thing about him, right now to me, is that he sees me exactly the way he's always seen me. the fact that my hair is greasy or that i haven't gotten out of my pajama pants all day or that i shower at odd times when it's an option or that i spend most of my evenings in front of a computer grading things or that i am just struggling and it shows in grumpiness or tiredness or just overwhelmingness...none of this seems to phase him.  we talked a lot on sunday. i am so grateful for him and for the priesthood that he holds. he is so wise.  and he does all he can for me. i think for a long time i tried to be superwoman and do everything myself.  especially since i've been pregnant, that just has gone by the wayside. i really just can't do it all myself and some recent events have taught me that putting everyone and everything ahead of me is actually one of the worst ways to try and take care of my family.  i never really understood that until recently. now i really do.

i'm sorry the blog is so silent, but i really don't have much screen time that's not full of random 2 minute facebooking or grading.  but i'll try to keep you up to date as much as i can. 

someday, i have faith that i will get it all together.  i'm not sure when that will be, but...it will be a someday. and that someday will be a good day.

in the meantime, i'm trying to make all the days inbetween good ones too. i have variable success.

today, however, was a hard but ultimately good day.  that's a good feeling, when you can fight through the bottle refusals and the hissy fits, cry some tears of frustration and think that Heavenly Father must REALLY THINK YOU'RE REALLY VERY CAPABLE OF LOTS OF THINGS, get things done and look forward to the next day's challenges. 

that's, i think, the definition of any mother's good day.

(don't ask me about the toys strewn all over the living room or the dishes in the sink or the laundry piled up in the corners of rooms. i have no comment about those. someday.)


  1. Aw, congratulations on #2. It is hard to make all the transition, but you'll do it and you'll survive, and you'll have a lovely little family. :)

  2. yayyyyy.

    also all the babies in my family ward are making me baby-flipping-crazy. just a little. but in the way that I get sometimes with dogs- I really want (another) one, but I know now's not the time and it'd be bad for me and the dog/baby. but still. I want one.

    I want a big dog too, but we're not talking about that either.

    sometimes I think, there's never going to be a time when I get to just stop and feel caught up. over the summer I get that feeling now, although this summer will be all kinds of madhouse, but I felt like that with the wedding and I still feel like that with internship and school and household chores and I don't even have a baby so I have little excuse-

    but then I realize that it's okay if life kind of always feels like you're tripping over your own two feet trying to make it. it's what makes us connect with our families. and not waste our lives on facebook. and enjoy those precious moments of peace and quiet or relaxation that much more. I'm the worst at "I can't wait til..."ing. I can't wait til I get married. I can't wait til casey flies in again. I can't wait for our honeymoon, to graduate, to move, to find a job, to have kids, to get a new dog, to hopefully stay at home with those kids and volunteer as a therapist at a homeless shelter...I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait.

    but I am so very impatient. so mostly I try to enjoy now, and know that tomorrow and the future will bring a different set of challenges but that that's then and I'm here.

    I hope this didn't sound like unsolicited advice. it was more, what thoughts this post provoked in me.

    the end.